Anderson Library Guard Shootout

Thanks to my connections within the public library system, I have been able to attain an unauthorized and possibly fictional account of what went down at the Library that day. In case you didn't get to check out the story, a few days ago an Anderson Public Library Gaurd fired shots at a lady after she apparently ran out the door stealing a book. Just this past week, Anderson reinstated the death penaltly for late fees, over due books, talking during quiet hours, and replacing a biography book in the autobiography section. This gaurd was right on task with his shoot first, get Ann of Green Gables back later attitude. Here is the transcript.
(Library Vice plays the roll of the Security Gaurd. Patrons will represent just average people reading books in the library. Suspect will represent the book stealing fugitive. The librarian will play herself)

Librarian: Yes may I help you?
Patron 1: Yes I'm looking for a self help book that deals with male pattern balding.
Librarian: Why yes Mr. Baldy that is right over here in the fiction section.
Librarian: I am going to have to ask everyone to be a little quieter. As the great philos sophizer(I had to throw in a little Keannu Reeves from Bill and Ted's excellent adventure) Barney would say. Let's all use our indoor voices.
Library Vice: (In a loud authoritative voice) All right people!!! Shut it! She said shut up.
Patron3:(talking to the librarian) I'm here to return a book. I believe it may be late.
Library Vice:(Talking on his radio) Yeah I've got a code 74. It seems as though this suspect has an overdue book. I may need back up. All right mister, spread em. (He begins to frisk the elderly gentleman returning the book) Anthing in your pockets that may cut me. You got any needles, Geritol, Denture Cream or anything else I should know about?
Patron3: But I was in the nursing home recovering from hip replacement. I didn't mean to return the book late.
Library Vice: Shut it old man.
(about this time, the Library Door alarm sounds)
Library Vice: You stay here old man, I've got a code 111. I'll be back for you.
(Library Vice bolts for the door)
L.V.: Stop!!
(begins foot pursuit and heavy microphone breathing(He is actually being filmed this week for Cops:Library Vice Division).
L.V.(Calling on his radio) I need back up. Suspect is running west on aisle 4 of the parking lot. Suspect just passed a blue Hyundai and is runnning for a white Cabriolet. Suspect has a bulge in the side pocket of her jacket. It's It's It's..... Everybody get down. Everybody get down. She's packing! She's got a paperback copy of a Tale of Two Cities. (calling over the radio) Permission to use deadly force.
Radio Operator: That's a negative Ghostrider the paddock is full(sorry, I added this part from Top Gun)
L.V. Shots fired! Shots fired! Suspect is getting away.


This is where the transcript ends.
As always all book stealing suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law(or shot on site with said stolen book)
Just us next week for"Book Mobile SWAT"